Bryan (raoulraoul) wrote,
Bryan
raoulraoul

Mutant Misadventures in Anatomy (Part II)

So last time I discussed the horrific anatomy present on the cover of Psylocke & Archangel: Crimson Dawn #2. It was awful and pointless and supposed to be titillating, but it looked asinine.

In addition to the less-than-appealing art, the series had a plot. Really! In an X-Men story, Psylocke had been gutted by Sabretooth, and Archangel (her boyfriend) and Wolverine had saved her life with a mystic force called the Crimson Dawn. (Hence the name of this miniseries.) What the Crimson Dawn did and why it healed Psylocke has been left vague, and writer Ben Raab is supposed to give some answers in the series.

He kinda does. By the time #4 has rolled around, Psylocke has been mystically summoned / kidnapped / beaten to pay back her debt to the Crimson Dawn. How does she do that? She serves the new master of the Crimson Dawn as one of his “Undercloaks,” which are shadowy mystic ninjas. Wait — Marvel already has shadowy mystic ninjas: they’re called the Hand, and Wolverine and Daredevil beat them by the dozen. How are the Undercloaks different?

They are extradimensional, I suppose. And they are beaten up by Archangel, a guy whose only power is to fly. He doesn’t carry a gun or even a lead pipe; he just flies. If you’re a ninja, it’s hard to recover from the embarrassment of being punched out by ol’ Featherwings …

Anyway, all this boils down to Psylocke being mystically transformed into a different kind of ninja, which gives us this opening splash page from Psylocke & Archangel: Crimson Dawn #4:

Splash page from Psylocke & Archangel: Crimson Dawn #4

Her skin color has been changed to blue, obviously. (Or maybe, like Tobias Funke, she just blue herself.) She’s fully clothed, for once, which just goes to show that not all changes have to be bad. Her psychic knife is perpendicular to her right hand, which is strange — it doesn’t seem like she should be able to wield it that way. Maybe we just can’t see her left hand, which is holding the psychic blade. But if her left hand is there, then …

What’s …

That’s not …

Hmm.

It appears Psylocke’s transformation into an Undercloak has gifted / cursed her with a vagina hand. She’s using that hoohah hand to toss shuriken at Archangel, although given that Archangel is literally — literally! — a leg’s length away from her, and one shuriken has almost fallen to the ground and the other two have already reoriented themselves to have their flat side toward the target, I’m guessing the extra extremity doesn’t make Cooch Hand Liz* any more effective.

Now I’m wondering if all the female Undercloaks have this extra hand. And maybe the males have their own as well! Use your own imagination about where this extra fist should pop out of, because I don’t want to have to think about it.

*I’m very sorry about this. But I’m also very proud.

Tags: archangel, crimson dawn, mutant anatomy, ninja, psylocke
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